I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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