You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
