My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
