I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
