I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
