I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
