He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
