Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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