We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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