evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
