he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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