There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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