I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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