I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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