don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize