I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
