There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
