i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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