I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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