This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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