I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The feeling are messing with the penis
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
