im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
