morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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