he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She even gives head with a lisp.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Terrible idea I love it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
