So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
