are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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