I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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