just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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