Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize