that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
