my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize