Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
