WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
