AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
