Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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