I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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