I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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