I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
