You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
