the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
