dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
