goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
