True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
