you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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