do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
