I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
