high people should be assigned attendants
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
