Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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