i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
