It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So vagazzling was a success
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
