Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
