Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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