Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
