too bad you live with your parents still
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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