dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
