The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
