Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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