break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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