This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
