You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
