i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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