You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
