Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
