did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No subtext here. People are naked.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
