i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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