Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That accounts for only three of the penises
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
